What Happens in Vegas
Before arriving in Las Vegas last weekend for the DMA show, I hadn’t been to Sin City in a long time—14 years to be exact. I was last here to watch Mike Tyson fight—and win—so you know it was quite a while ago. (Tyson knocked out the U.K.’s Frank Bruno in the third round.)
Anyway, Vegas sure has changed a lot since 1996. I’m certainly no expert, but here’s a few tips I’ve picked up on this visit.
1. The monorail is your friend. It’s quick and easy to get to where the action is from the convention center and Hilton if you hop on the monorail. And the $12 all-day pass is a good value. Unless you arrive at the top of the monorail station and realize you’ve forgotten your all-day pass in the hotel room, and your feet and legs hurt too much to run back and get it, so you have to then buy two $5 one-way tickets to get where you’re supposed to be on time. Then it’s not such a good value.
2. Go toward the lights. The only problem with the monorail is that it drops you off at the back the casinos so you have to walk through a rat maze of slots and gaming tables to make your way out to the Strip. If you like crowds, noise, and cigarette smoke, you’ll enjoy this.
3. Just say no. Not to gambling and drinks—that’s why you came here. It’s the other stuff that people are always trying to foist on you that you have to be prepared to decline. No, I don’t need tickets to a show tonight. No, I don’t want a timeshare in Tahiti Village. No, I’m not looking for girls, so you can stop trying to hand me those nudie cards in the street. (You can actually stop offering them to my husband, too.)
4. Slot machines are fun. Until you lose your money. Then they’re really not that fun. They’re even less fun when your husband loses too, then borrows cash from you and loses that as well. The monorail ride home will then be spent discussing who actually lost more and who probably has the biggest gambling problem.
So enjoy your trip, and remember that if you brought your spouse, what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas.
