Oh, my dear Gail Collins. Is there a better columnist anywhere in this country? She works for the New York Times and is primarily enjoyed by eastern elites, of which I’m one (I’m an easterner, anyway). My wife and I read her columns out loud to each other.

Today’s column has special meaning for those of us who hover around the fringes of direct marketing.

Collins reports—with some amazement—that a telemarketer quit his job rather than read a script stating that Barack Obama had worked with a terrorist. She points out that if “you can come up with something that would send a telemarketer over the edge, you have really overachieved on the offensiveness front.”

How does she know? She once worked as telemarketer, “an occupation so soul-numbing that it is hard to imagine that anything could make it worse.”

Collins recalls that she “woke up people on the overnight shift who had just managed to fall asleep for the first time in six days.”

It goes on from there.

Just how bad can telemarketing be? Well, here’s a little story about one of the best articles we ever ran in Direct.

The November 1994 issue of Direct featured an article titled, “I Was An Undercover Telemarketer,” by someone named “Sharon.” It starts like this:

“My supervisor took me aside my third night on the phones.

“‘Look, Ken said, shutting the door of his small, bare office. “You’ve noticed that some of our reps are a bit psycho around here? I mean you’ve seen that, right?’

The writer then described some of them–like the woman who went into crying jags every night.

Great stuff, but it did not go over well with the telemarketing business. And while I had nothing to do with it (I wish I had, but I joined Direct just as it went to press), I had to deal with the fallout—the fact that a big telemarketing service bureau cancelled all its advertising.

My publisher demanded that I call the offended CEO to make nice. I didn’t see the point—the guy had also cancelled his advertising at my prior publication over something we wrote. But I was new on the job, so I called.

It went something like this.

“Hello, Steve. I don’t know if you’re heard, but I’m working on Direct now and I thought we should catch up.”

“Direct??!!! Are you the one who wrote that stupid article?”

“Uh, which one?”

“Damnit, the hatchet job by your undercover reporter. They told me it would be a positive story, and I bought an ad. Are you people out of your minds?”

“It happened before I got here,” I protested. “I really called to ask you about the FTC’s Do-Not-Call proposal.”

Oh, the shame. As R. Crumb’s Mr. Natural says to himself at some point, “Fred, you’re turning into a hack.”

The executive ranted about the FTC for 20 minutes and we parted on good terms. I didn’t promise him anything. I think he actually bought an ad or two later on.

Who was “Sharon?” I’ll never tell, except to say that she’s a top business journalist and a very, very wonderful writer. Last time we talked, she had quit for a time to be a full-time mom.

I can, of course, report who the editor was—it was Laura Beaudry, the legendary figure who ran Catalog Age for many years and was then doing double duty on Direct.

But back to Gail Collins. Don’t read her column today if you dislike criticism of the McCain-Palin campaign (or the telemarketing industry). But if you enjoy good writing and don’t care who gets skewered, go to it. Collins is funny, acerbic and merciless to politicians from all parties. And she understands history.

It’s a happy day when I open the New York Times and find a Gail Collins column in there.

Oh, my dear Gail Collins. Is there a better columnist anywhere in this country? She works for the New York Times and is primarily enjoyed by eastern elites, of which I’m one (I’m an easterner, anyway). My wife and I read her columns out loud to each other.

Today’s column has special meaning for those of us who hover around the fringes of direct marketing.

Collins reports—with some amazement—that a telemarketer quit his job rather than read a script stating that Barack Obama had worked with a terrorist. She points out that if “you can come up with something that would send a telemarketer over the edge, you have really overachieved on the offensiveness front.”

How does she know? She once worked as telemarketer, “an occupation so soul-numbing that it is hard to imagine that anything could make it worse.”

Collins recalls that she “woke up people on the overnight shift who had just managed to fall asleep for the first time in six days.”

It goes on from there.

Just how bad can telemarketing be? Well, here’s a little story about one of the best articles we ever ran in Direct.

The November 1994 issue of Direct featured an article titled, “I Was An Undercover Telemarketer,” by someone named “Sharon.” It starts like this:

“My supervisor took me aside my third night on the phones.

“‘Look, Ken said, shutting the door of his small, bare office. “You’ve noticed that some of our reps are a bit psycho around here? I mean you’ve seen that, right?’

The writer then described some of them–like the woman who went into crying jags every night.

Great stuff, but it did not go over well with the telemarketing business. And while I had nothing to do with it (I wish I had, but I joined Direct just as it went to press), I had to deal with the fallout—the fact that a big telemarketing service bureau cancelled all its advertising.

My publisher demanded that I call the offended CEO to make nice. I didn’t see the point—the guy had also cancelled his advertising at my prior publication over something we wrote. But I was new on the job, so I called.

It went something like this.

“Hello, Steve. I don’t know if you’re heard, but I’m working on Direct now and I thought we should catch up.”

“Direct??!!! Are you the one who wrote that stupid article?”

“Uh, which one?”

“Damnit, the hatchet job by your undercover reporter. They told me it would be a positive story, and I bought an ad. Are you people out of your minds?”

“It happened before I got here,” I protested. “I really called to ask you about the FTC’s Do-Not-Call proposal.”

Oh, the shame. As R. Crumb’s Mr. Natural says to himself at some point, “Fred, you’re turning into a hack.”

The executive ranted about the FTC for 20 minutes and we parted on good terms. I didn’t promise him anything. I think he actually bought an ad or two later on.

Who was “Sharon?” I’ll never tell, except to say that she’s a top business journalist and a very, very wonderful writer. Last time we talked, she had quit for a time to be a full-time mom.

I can, of course, report who the editor was—it was Laura Beaudry, the legendary figure who ran Catalog Age for many years and was then doing double duty on Direct.

But back to Gail Collins. Don’t read her column today if you dislike criticism of the McCain-Palin campaign (or the telemarketing industry). But if you enjoy good writing and don’t care who gets skewered, go to it. Collins is funny, acerbic and merciless to politicians from all parties. And she understands history.

It’s a happy day when I open the New York Times and find a Gail Collins column in there.