Baked into the DNA of all promotions is the need to grab consumers and make them do something. The good promotions deliver a reward for that “do something.” But, as anyone who watches late night TV can attest, a lot of promotions exist just to empty somebody’s wallet.

In my case, that meant emptying the tiny vinyl wallet of a wide-eyed 10-year-old who constantly got suckered by the promotional ads in the back of comic books in the ’60s and ’70s. I never learned, expectantly ordering everything from fart powder to an actual working submarine, only to be crushed when the actual item arrived (after a 4-month wait), barely living up to the description in the colorful ad.

The worst was the offer for 100 toy soldiers in an actual footlocker, for only $1.50 (this was the post WWII-Vietnam era, remember, and army men and GI Joes were all the rage).



Look at it! They’re invading Normandy, for crying out loud, with bombs and everything! And read the copy! See how they hid the word “pasteboard” in the footlocker burst? i thought i was getting a wooden footlocker “storage chest” filled with plastic army men. In reality, the “footlocker” was the cardboard box the army men were shipped in, complete with mailing label and postal stamps. And the army men were sad, one-dimensional thin plastic–like a guitar pick–with no features, and certainly no “play value.”

But that didn’t stop me from ordering the 7-foot Polaris Submarine! Are you kidding me? An actual sub with “rockets that fire” and a “working periscope?” For only $6.98??

That, too, was a heartbreaker, arriving as a bunch of cardboard pieces in an envelope. Forget about “exploring the strange and mysterious ocean floor,” as the copy implored. The only mystery was how to fit two kids in the crummy cardboard box they sent.

But none were more heartbreaking than the x-ray glasses, coveted by every adolescent male with dreams of having the power to see through walls, skin and, of course, girls’ clothing. Notice how they have the guy staring at his own hand, while the sexy blonde cavorts in the background.

The copy says “Look at your friend. Is that really his body you “see” under his clothes?” I can tell you, based on experience, it is not. And it wasn’t worth the $1.35 either!

Baked into the DNA of all promotions is the need to grab consumers and make them do something. The good promotions deliver a reward for that “do something.” But, as anyone who watches late night TV can attest, a lot of promotions exist just to empty somebody’s wallet.

In my case, that meant emptying the tiny vinyl wallet of a wide-eyed 10-year-old who constantly got suckered by the promotional ads in the back of comic books in the ’60s and ’70s. I never learned, expectantly ordering everything from fart powder to an actual working submarine, only to be crushed when the actual item arrived (after a 4-month wait), barely living up to the description in the colorful ad.

The worst was the offer for 100 toy soldiers in an actual footlocker, for only $1.50 (this was the post WWII-Vietnam era, remember, and army men and GI Joes were all the rage).



Look at it! They’re invading Normandy, for crying out loud, with bombs and everything! And read the copy! See how they hid the word “pasteboard” in the footlocker burst? i thought i was getting a wooden footlocker “storage chest” filled with plastic army men. In reality, the “footlocker” was the cardboard box the army men were shipped in, complete with mailing label and postal stamps. And the army men were sad, one-dimensional thin plastic–like a guitar pick–with no features, and certainly no “play value.”

But that didn’t stop me from ordering the 7-foot Polaris Submarine! Are you kidding me? An actual sub with “rockets that fire” and a “working periscope?” For only $6.98??

That, too, was a heartbreaker, arriving as a bunch of cardboard pieces in an envelope. Forget about “exploring the strange and mysterious ocean floor,” as the copy implored. The only mystery was how to fit two kids in the crummy cardboard box they sent.

But none were more heartbreaking than the x-ray glasses, coveted by every adolescent male with dreams of having the power to see through walls, skin and, of course, girls’ clothing. Notice how they have the guy staring at his own hand, while the sexy blonde cavorts in the background.

The copy says “Look at your friend. Is that really his body you “see” under his clothes?” I can tell you, based on experience, it is not. And it wasn’t worth the $1.35 either!